First semester Potfolio- Piece Id Like to Revise

The piece that I would like to revise would have to be the poem I wrote for an assignment called My Childhood home I wrote this poem on October 13, 2009. The poem is about my childhood home that is located in Fort Collins Colorado. The genre as you can probably guess is a poem. My ideas came from Mrs. Moege because she gave the assignment to write a poem of your favorite location or somewhere you went that you liked. I would change the fragments because when I was talking about what the house looked like I would use you instead of I.

My Childhood Home
Colorado Home.
White, Tall, Colossal.
My house is as white as a cloud on a sunny day.
The smell is as if someone just painted the house.
If you enter this beautiful house
You will see a chandelier hanging high as the sky
When I look at the set of stairs
“Wow” pops in my mind.
The dining room is a party waiting to happen.
If you turn to your left
You will see two huge gold doors while entering the office.
If you go upstairs
You can hear the TV bursting loud as if a helicopter flew over
Games, toys, and movies scattered all over the floor
As if there were a tornado.
Exit the room,
Straight into the bathroom and open the door in front of you,
My bedroom. The walls with stars and pictures of a moon.
Go across like if you were staring up at the sky.
Following you is a little puppy that has fur as soft as wool.
Oscar
White, Brown
Shitzoo.
But if you head downstairs
You will see a big dog shedding like a brush
Dauphine
Black, White, Huge.
My home is my dreams come true.